


Never Have I Ever (had to choose between two guys for prom night)

by ccbaxter



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25710424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccbaxter/pseuds/ccbaxter
Summary: Dear, (No)Hi Ben,Fortune favours the boldAnd I know I was kind of coldBut now it's time the truth was toldThat I think you and I are goldAre goldMake goldForm gold?The last one sounded kind of mineral-ey, which wasn't really the effect she was going for. She grudgingly had to admit that Ben had always been the better one at literature. Bleh, she thought, the whole thing sounded like a bad rap song. Maybe she should be more conversational instead. Prose instead of rhyming couplets. Casual prose. Chill prose, yo.______________________Set right after season 1 leading up to senior year prom night. Mostly Ben/Devi and some Devi/Paxton too, because girl needs some time to choose. Also involves an MUN trip in Florence in which Ben and Devi are up to the usual shenanigans, with some bad Italian thrown in the mix.(housekeeping note: originally up on fanfiction.net. Plan to resettle things here but will post chapter updates on both for this~)
Relationships: Ben Gross & Devi Vishwakumar, Paxton Hall-Yoshida/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

"You and Ben kissed? As in Ben GROSS?! You've _got_ to be kidding me," Fabiola said, crossing her arms.

Eleanor looked thoughtful, a finger on her chin. "No, this kind of makes sense in a way. Sworn enemies turned into lovers, fierce hate morphing into passionate lust, all that angst, urmphh, it's the classic romantic twist!" she exclaimed. She glanced sideways at Fab and gave a dramatic flutter of her eyelashes. "You know, Lizzy Bennet and Mr. Darcy and all that?"

Devi looked embarrassed but at the same time she felt a surge of joy at seeing Eleanor finally embracing her theatre-loving nature again. She flopped back onto her bed. _Finally_ she was back home. She had missed it dearly. She'd returned home from Malibu yesterday, moved back home last night, and had gone to collect the rest of her things at Ben's place this morning before returning and calling up her friends.

Her two friends, not done with this thread of conversation, flopped down on either side of her.

"So?" Fabiola asked. "How was it?" Then, with a grin, "you and Paxton kissed too right? Soooo? How were they both compared?"

"You can't compare them!" Eleanor said huffily. "It's like trying to say whether you like vanilla or chocolate more. Or peanut butter or jelly."

"That's easy," Fab shot back. "Chocolate and peanut butter all the way."

"No, I-," Eleanor continued to argue.

As they continued their back and forth (god how Devi missed those), Devi looked up towards her ceiling as Fab's question stayed in her mind. She thought back to the night Paxton kissed her.

Paxton's kiss was, for her... well, if she had one word for it, though she hated to say it, it was self-conscious. He'd leaned in, she had swooned and her heart was beating really fast, he was a good kisser (she guessed? But then again it WAS her first kiss, minus the one time when Uncle Aravind was drunk during Christmas and was going to give her a peck on the cheek and apparently "lost his footing" and she'd yelled at him but then again we're NOT here to bring that up; in short it was her first real kiss so she didn't have anything to compare against) and she all she kept thinking of during the kiss was whether she had to open her mouth, how much, and where she should put her hands, etc. Thank goodness it was short and sweet, she didn't think she messed it up too much. All she could think of as she left his car was "Yes! Conquest made!"

"Conquest?" Eleanor asked.

"Shit, had I been saying all that out loud?" Devi said, embarrassed. "Sorreh guys. My thoughts are just too loud to just keep in my brain sometimes."

"All of the time, more like," Fabiola said, rolling her eyes. "But that's weird. You make it sound like Paxton's just a sexual conquest to you."

"Overachiever," Eleanor quipped without missing a beat. "In alll aspects of life."

"Hey. Paxton is NOT just a sexual conquest. Getting him is a social _and_ emotional conquest as well. Imagine the doors that will open up for us after getting him! Like man, the world's our stage," she nudged Eleanor gently several times, getting her tickled her in the process. "Ain't that right, Shakespeare?"

Eleanor frowned slightly, "Um, I don't think that's how it goes. But anyway. BEN. How was Ben?"

Devi honestly hadn't had time to process the what had happened with Ben. After saying bye to Dad, when her mom and Kamala saw who had driven her here Devi's mom's eyebrows shot up and she had given Devi _that_ 'what do you think you're doing with this boy' look and had insisted on Kamala driving the kids home ('Fine, if you don't want Kamala driving, the other option will be me. Make your choice now'). Devi was for once thankful she was sitting alone in the back while Ben rode shotgun, so she could have some space to herself. After dropping Ben off and getting on her mom's car to go home, dinner was spent in a tearful reunion with her mom in which sincere promises were made to be less of a spiteful teenager while her mom also promised not to further drop big bombs on her in the form of migrating to India. Her mother had agreed to hold it off for the time being. Devi was emotionally exhausted that night and she slept like a rock.

* * *

Ben wasn't in the next day when she went back back to Ben's to retrieve her stuff, but Patty had packed all her stuff neatly into a paper bag when she arrived.

"He said you went back home," she said, smiling. "He told me to pack it for you since he said you might forget things since you're dishevelled and disorganised," she added, with a twinkle in her eye.

"Huh. He said that did he," Devi said automatically, giving a polite smile before taking her belongings back . Patty left her in the Doobie brothers room to gather up her luggage bag and do a final check. She felt slightly disappointed that Ben wasn't in and yet kind of relieved at the same time. She just wanted a break from emotional drama or any sort after all she'd been through, really. Or just some time to process all that had happened, including meeting Paxton last night, when he showed up after she'd finished the tearful reunion dinner with mom and Kamala.

* * *

She had to give it to him for turning up again on her front door and to brave another possibility of meeting her mom after the multiple snubs that Devi's mom had given him last time about his, um, supposed lack of mental prowess. Devi had come out after pulling a hoodie over her PJ shirt and sweat pants.

"So what's up?" she asked him.

She had never seen Paxton hesitate so long before. Even he could be awkward! He was human after all!

"Um, Devi," he started.

"Yeah...,"

"Do you want to hang out sometime?"

"Yeah... sure!" On any other day she would be over the moon but tonight she just wanted some time to wind down by herself. She was kind of impatient if she had to be honest.

"I mean like... date."

Devi stared at him. Was he being serious? He looked so uncomfortable, which was so uncharacteristic of him, that he probably was. "Whoa, I mean, whoa. Are you being serious?"

He shrugged, scuffing his sneakers into the gravel. "Well, yeah. I'm kind of into you. We could.. you know, try it out. See how it goes."

Devi had a feeling that Paxton HY did not usually have to put any effort into asking girls out, and the fact that she was on the receiving end of his efforts now delighted her to no end. _Well, hell yeah!_ she wanted to blurt out, but something stopped her.

"Um. Wow. Big turn of events. I have to um. Think about it first. I'll sleep on it tonight!" she added feebly, smiling and already retreating back up the front steps leading to the front door.

Paxton looked surprised but smiled, with that air of amusement that often clung to him when he was around her. "Yeah you sleep on it," he said, his beautiful face cracking into a full grin now as he turned to leave.

* * *

"Whoa! Paxton asked you out last night? Like _right_ after you kissed Ben, pretty much!" Fab exclaimed.

"It's a love triangle!" Eleanor cried. She sat up and slid off the bed to help herself to some more chips set on a plate on the floor. Then she stood up again to face her two friends on the bed. "It's exactly like those Korean dramas. The lead girl who's usually quite shy and dorky suddenly has two suitors vying for her attention. One of them is tall, handsome, is kind of a mean and arrogant brat and who's a little bit of a bad boy and the lead can't help falling for him in spite of herself. Then there's the second lead, who plays the good friend who's always there for her, but just doesn't have that extra _ooomph_ to make said girl swoony."

Fabiola looked thoughtful. "Then which one is Paxton and which one is Ben? Wait. First of all, let's not get distracted. Dev, you never answered our first question. How was that kiss with Ben?"

Devi was wondering about the same thing herself.

When had she first started seeing Ben in a different light? Maybe it that night in the hotel room during MUN, when Ben had, despite bragging about his suit and trouser set during the day and fastidiously picking off non-existent specks of dust off it, had sat on the floor opposite her, smiling and raising his glass to her. Or maybe was it the time when, perhaps the first time in all these years, she'd remembered seeing him vulnerable, sitting opposite her across their dining table and choking on the sambar, and not actually seeming to mind when she teased him when they were cleaning up after. He seemed nicer and nicer lately. When she moved to stayed over at his place for the past few days, she'd noticed it– the worried looks on his face as she complained about his family, how he kept his eyes lingering on her even as she was scarfing down her food, but never once overstepping his boundaries and making her feel uncomfortable.

After she had gotten into bed to go finally think about the events of the day, she first felt the happy fizz of Paxton asking her out like candy that popped on your tongue. But shortly afterwards the fizz died out and yielded to a strong, warm fire that burned and kept her awake that night– the kiss with Ben in the car.

It was so familiar and so unfamiliar at the same time. She subconsciously knew all the nooks and crannies of his face, but she didn't know his aftershave smelt like vaguely like expensive sandalwood. She knew the way his shoulders sloped but she didn't know they tensed up when she laid her hands on them. She also knew his hands, how she'd often glared at his hand still writing furiously, his fingers holding the pencil in that tight and angular way only Ben did, when she had already run out of ideas. That hand now ran through her thick curly hair, grasping her locks for a moment before letting go to slowly trail down her neck and her shoulders; she didn't know she could tremble at that touch. And those lips– which had only heretofore been a source of annoyance having to listen to all that spouted from it– _oho_ , how much they made up for it now. He kissed her such a _understanding_ way– gauging and reading her physical reaction whether she was comfortable with it, yet making it clear that he wanted her in such a deliberate way that made her whole body tremble. She wasn't at all embarrassed or self-conscious– he knew her and a part of her knew he would accept her for who she was, bundled up with anger and fake pretensions and awkwardness and all. She remembered being kind of surprised that he was a good kisser; 'dayum boy!' flitted past her head for a second, for though she knew he had practice with Shira he was still, well, _Ben_. And she remembered the way he looked at her after they broke apart, like he couldn't believe what he saw, like she was the woman of his dreams. She had felt like she would burst with emotion if she returned his gaze.

* * *

"It was... not bad," Devi finally said slowly, a smile spreading over her face.

The girls shrieked.


	2. Chapter 2

Spring break was over and Devi hadn't talked to either Paxton or Ben during the entire week, because, well, she was a busy girl even _sans_ the two men in her life. She had to study, and she'd resumed harp lessons again (she found that she loved playing it again, despite her fingers quickly becoming callused from a lack of practice). And well, there was also the issue that she didn't know who she wanted to date.

"Guys, I don't know what do about those guys," Devi said. They were sitting outside at Starbucks, a day before school started, and Devi was slowly stirring her iced americano ("Girls, career women drink americanos. Not iced chocolate. This is all part of my transition into a fully fledged woman."). The drink was quickly getting more and more watery as the ice melted in the heat. (Devi had drank one sip and hadn't touched it after.) Fabiola came with Eve. Eleanor came alone as she and Oliver we having a 'lover's spat'. So, Fab was kind of distracted and Eleanor was kind of annoyed.

"Well, who do you _want_ to date?" Eleanor asked, shrugging.

Devi shrugged. "Well, Paxton, I guess? I mean, he's cool. Like way cooler than Ben."

Eleanor gave her a straight look. "So, there you go."

"But I– I don't _know_. A part of me wants to date Ben too. I guess he's nice though he's been kind of bratty before. But I guess maybe Paxton's the better choice? Socially? I've actually compiled a list of pros and cons of each of them and the only things that stand in Ben's favour are one: might help me with schoolwork and two: he's loaded. Everything else tips in Paxton's favour."

Eve and Fabiola finally broke away from each other as Eve faced her. "Hey, sorry to interrupt like this, but try this. I learnt this from a TV show. Close your eyes,"

Devi gave her a ' _who do you think you are telling me what to do'_ look but obliged, slightly reluctantly. "I don't know you that well, but okay...," she closed her eyes.

"Just.. don't think of all the pros and cons. Put that aside. And just blurt the first answer that comes to you. Who do you really like?"

"Ben," Devi said. "Oh my god." She opened her eyes, shocked at her own answer.

Eleanor looked animated for the first time today. "Oh my gosh! You like Ben! That's amazing," she hugged Devi. "And Eve, that's from the Office right? Wow TV can be _so_ educational sometimes."

* * *

Devi went back to school, her heart thumping in her chest.

 _Calm down, girl,_ she told herself. She could _not_ be nervous over someone like Ben. Ben was as socially awkward as her. And, plus, she was way better looking on an objective scale of attractiveness. _He_ should be the one nervous about seeing her, not she. But honestly Devi was kind of surprised that Ben never texted her after their kiss. She shrugged it off as she approached her locker.

Shit. Ben was walking to his locker as well. She ducked her head behind the open door of her locker. Should she say hi first? Should she pretend that nothing happened and wait for him to make the first move? Yeah, she should just be cool.

"Hey!" she greeted him brightly, as Ben approached his locker, just a few lockers away from her.

"Hey," he looked at her almost instantly, his reaction too fast and hyper-alert for a friend, and looked at her almost timidly as a small smile ventured across his face.

Devi felt herself smile as she saw that Ben was hiding nothing and remembering everything. They stood like that for a few moments. For two people who had a lot to say, especially towards each other, this silence was slightly awkward–

"Hey, uh Devi–," Ben started but just then Shira came bouncing over.

"Benny!" she cried, planting a kiss on his cheek and giving him a hug.

Devi reeled. She had completely forgotten about Ben's girlfriend. She'd assumed that he would have handled things on that end after the kiss they had last week. She suddenly felt embarrassed and kind of stupid for even considering putting herself out there when Ben was still flouncing around with this floozy.

"What?!" Devi yelled at Ben, unable to say more. "Not cool, dude. Not cool. I'm out." She slammed her locker door shut.

Ben seemed like he wanted to talk to her further but Devi stalked off in a huff. "What's with that girl?" Devi heard Shira's voice behind her. "I didn't know nerdy girls had mood swings as well."

Devi, still walking away and not bothering to turn back, gave them the finger.


	3. Chapter 3

At lunch, Devi walked up to the 'hot pocket' where Paxton and his friends were. Somehow she could always gauge where she was at with Paxton by the way the whole group reacted as she walked up to them. Today, the boys gave each other smiles and nudges as she approached. They clapped Paxton on the shoulder as he came over to walk towards her. He noticed her coming today; she didn't have to call him this time.

"Hey," he said, squinting in the sunlight, the both of them still standing very much within earshot of his friends, who glanced at them knowingly from time to time. Who knew even popular kids were busy-bodies.

"Lets... move over here," Devi said hurriedly, moving him over to an empty table. "So," she started, "I've been doing some thinking, and... yes. Let's do it. Let's date."

Paxton's grin grew wider. "Cool. Should we... maybe watch a movie or something? After school?"

"You got it, bro," Devi replied. Or should she be calling him something other than bro now that they were _dating?_

Paxton dug his hands in his pockets and retreated slowly. "It's a date, Vishnakumar!"

Devi laughed and waved. Somehow that sentence from his mouth sounded both hilarious and thrilling to her, a brilliant mix of contradictions that was the both of them.

* * *

Paxton was leaning against his car talking to a friend when she came up to him after school. Her heart leapt in her chest as he turned to look towards her with a smile and a nod. _Oh my god,_ she thought. He was her James Dean leaning against that red Land Rover. This was coolest way to start a date with _only_ the most good-looking guy in the _region._

She got in the car next to him. "I can't believe this is happening!" she blurted out. She had always felt kind of surreal in moments like these with Paxton, first when they were both in the garage going to have sex (!), then when he rescued her at the party, twice, but only now she actually felt comfortable voicing these thoughts to him.

Paxton laughed, thinking about the improbability of their situation as well as all they'd been through to get here, relationship-wise. "Me neither, actually," he said, starting the engine as they drove off.

They arrived at the movie theatre, a typical round, low Californian-style cinema with a beige-yellow exterior and black changeable letters stuck on a white marquee. They entered the lobby bathed in blue fluorescent light, with the sweet smell of popcorn, the crashing sounds of movie ads washing over them, their feet walking across the sticky floor.

"What do you want to watch?" Paxton asked. They looked up at the movie listings above the counter.

Devi looked animated. "Well, there's this new Wes Anderson movie out that I want to watch. It's about a bunch of journalists writing for an American newspaper but they're in Paris and they're writing about interesting stories that have happened during the past decade...," she trailed off as Paxton raised an eyebrow.

"Or maybe just the new Marvel movie that's out," she said, shrugging.

Paxton looked at her with a hint of amusement of his face. "Yeah, let's go with that," he said, walking over to the ticket counter to buy tickets for the both of them.

Devi smiled to herself. At least Paxton was honest with her and didn't pretend like he was someone else with different tastes. _And_ he was buying the tickets for them. So far so good. Or should she have chosen a rom-com so they could feel the ~sexual tension~ between them when things got romantic onscreen? She looked at the movies they had on show again. They didn't seem to have any romantic comedies on at the moment. And Paxton was already buying the tickets. Oh well. She and the six Pax could bring their _own_ heat.

Devi wasn't really big on Marvel movies, but Paxton seemed to be quite engrossed in the movie. Which was not a bad thing, because, _aha,_ Devi could then allow her eyes to wander freely over Paxton, his beautiful chiseled face when he laughed, his jawline with just the hint of stubble, his chest (clean-shaven, remember) under his v-neck T-shirt (now Ben wouldn't be able to pull off a v-neck t-shirt, wait, _why_ was she thinking of Ben now, time to focus), to his hands holding the paper bucket of popcorn resting on his jeans. Under that bucket of popcorn was basically his... you know what. She must have gone into a daze contemplating what lay underneath when suddenly the bucket of popcorn appeared to get closer and larger and soon the bucket of popcorn was right under her nose. Paxton was holding it up towards her.

"You looked like you wanted to have some popcorn," he said with straight face.

Devi looked at him, embarrassed, her face flushed, to be caught in this reverie of hers. She looked at his face for any clues as to whether he'd caught her ogling him... and though he kept a straight face, his eyes were lighted with a devilish amusement. He _knew,_ he _totally_ knew, what she had been thinking. Of course he knew, he was a hot guy and was used to girls checking him all the time. She took some popcorn and stuffed it in her mouth.

"Thanks," she said. "Good movie," she pointed at the movie screen.

Paxton laughed, a low quiet sound. "You're cute," he murmured. He reached over with his free hand to gently cup her jaw to turn her face towards him and leaned in to plant a slow, confident kiss on her lips. She melted like butter. Thank god it was just a peck as her mouth was still full of popcorn. After the kiss Devi realised that his other arm was already slung across Devi's seat, coming into contact with the back of her neck as she leaned back in her seat. Dayum, guy sure knows his way with girls, she thought. She watched the rest of the movie in a happy daze.

After the movie they hung out at Paxton's place, finishing off their sodas they had bought at the theatre. They were sitting on the sofa.

"You want some music?" Paxton asked.

"Sure" Devi replied.

He went over to his desk and plugged his phone in. Trip-hop came oozing out of the speakers. Devi briefly wondered if this was the kind of music cool people listened to while they made out.

"So. How's your sister?"

"She's good. They're going to do a fashion show soon so she's pretty excited, you know, helping design and everything."

"I see. Love that she's so passionate about what she's doing."

"Yeah. She has a creative streak that I don't have."

Devi ventured carefully. "I think I remember you saying she was adopted?"

Paxton nodded. "Yeah. My mom works at a kindergarten for children with special needs so after they had me they'd... always wanted to help kids like my sister who used to be stuck in children's homes."

Devi smiled gently at Paxton. Paxton hardly ever talked about his family this intimately to another person and he spoke haltingly and slowly when he did. She was grateful that he decided to share this with her but decided not to probe too much.

They both racked their brains to think of what to say next. Paxton turned to Devi and pointed at her. "That time, I saw you over the weekend at school, with you in that Indian outfit- what was that?"

Devi laughed in a slightly embarrassed manner. "Yeah, that. That was a sari. Oh the event? That was Ganesh Puja. He's the elephant god. We–," breaking off slightly, then deciding that Paxton would probably not want a description of all their deities (not that she could remember all of them, oops), continued, "we- have a lot of them. Gods, I mean."

Paxton nodded, along to the beat of the music. "That's cool, that's cool. I can dig that."

"Yeah... thanks." Devi appreciated his appreciation of her culture. They sat for a moment listening to the music.

Paxton turned to her again "Hey, I, uh- I'm sorry about your dad. I've wanted to say it before but just somehow never found the chance to."

"Aww, that's sweet of you. Thanks Pax," she said. Although spreading his ashes had made it easier for her, she still wasn't ready to talk about it. But anyway, back to the present and to Paxton. Should she give him a hug or something? To thank him? But two beats passed, and it was too late and awkward to do so now.

They lapsed into silence. Devi decided to change to a less emotionally dense topic. "So. What's school like for you? You know, being the most popular boy in the school and all."

Paxton looked at her. "Are you serious, Vishnakumar?"

Devi nodded. "We lead parallel but very different lives, you know. What's the view like from the top, bro?"

Paxton laughed and shrugged it off, being cool like he was. "It's not that different, I guess." Then, graciously, "we're just into different things."

Devi nodded mock-seriously, gesturing to between the two of them. "Well, not now I guess."

Paxton laughed, resting his elbows on his knees. Devi took a loud slurp of her soda.

They sat side by side on the grey sofa, lapsing into silence again before both of them started speaking again at the same time.

"Wait, sorry what were you saying?" Devi asked him.

"No, no, you go ahead first."

"Oh. Uh... I was just gonna say. You like skateboards?" she said, pointing at the wall in front of them on which several skateboards hung.

"Yeah, yeah, I do," he said, nodding. Silence again.

"So... what were _you_ gonna say?" Devi asked him.

"Well, I was just. Just wanted to ask if you wanted to make out. And stuff."

"Yes!" Devi said quickly, feeling relieved and anxious at the same time.

"Cool," Paxton said, getting down to business.

* * *

A week had passed since their first date. They went on a one or two more dates which followed basically the same routine as the first, sometimes skipping the preamble. News spread fast. Now that they were officially dating, there was no shortage of random girls (once even a stranger, a girl they walked past on the street stopped her just to interview her) coming up to her and asking her what it was like to date Paxton. "It's great!" she usually said, and would receive admiring sighs in reply.

But it was different with her close friends. "It's great! I guess," she said to Fab and Eleanor.

"But...?" Eleanor continued, as they walked down the noisy school corridor in between class.

"You sound like there's a 'but' coming after," Fab said on Devi's other side.

"No there isn't a 'but' you guys. Well. I mean, it's great physically," she said. "Of course it would be, it's Paxton we're talking about." She rolled her eyes, Devi-goddess so experienced now with the ways of men.

"But...?" the two girls chimed. They were all crowded outside the classroom now with the rest of history class, waiting to go in.

"But...I don't know. We... don't really have a lot to say to one another," Devi said, feeling slightly bad that she'd said it, though wondering at the same time if he also had misgivings of his own about her.

Eleanor had looked up. "Shit," she said in a low voice. Devi panicked as she looked up too, wondering if Paxton had just walked past hearing what she'd said. No, it was Ben. He'd been standing nearby also waiting to go in the classroom and he'd overheard what Devi had said. He gave her a searing look and came up to them.

"David, can we talk? Like after class, maybe?"

Devi was affronted that Ben had the nerve to stride up to her while she was clearly in the middle of a relationship to probably want to say something that would challenge that. As if he _could._ Devi shook her head, annoyed. Before she could think of something to say to shoot him down the bell rang and their history teacher ushered them loudly into the classroom ("put on your thinking caps, folks, or rather your thinking berets and fedoras, as it's the roaring twenties today!")

* * *

"David! Devi," Ben called, catching up with her as Devi quickly strode down the corridor after class. Devi whirled around. She was probably going to have to face him at some point anyway.

"What?" she said.

"Look, we need to talk."

"Fine." Devi crossed her arms. She reluctantly followed Ben into an alcove in the corridor where it was less noisy.

"I'm... sorry about the other day. I just hadn't broken up with Shira yet. I was going to, but she was out of town glamping with her poser friends and so I hadn't told her about us yet."

"Us? Us? Boy, there is no _us_ unless you are talking about a decade long rivalry between the two top achievers. Like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. Or Taylor Swift and Katy Perry."

"Um–"

" _In which,_ mark my words now Ben Gross, I will emerge as the winner." Devi started to walk away.

"Look. Dev. I've broken up with her now. It- it was just really bad timing. I'm sorry. I like you, because, well, you're like me, in a way, so -,"

Devi whirled away, angry again. "You like me because I'm _like_ _you_? Now that is the most self-obsessed comment I've heard all week. Since you're so smart, you should just design a robot clone for your company instead. If you're not smart enough to do that, you can always go ask Fab for help."

Ouch. Ben was stung. Devi could be so prickly sometimes. He watched her retreating figure head down the corridor, ever so headstrong, her large curls bouncing obstinately over her backpack, wondering if he would ever get over this girl.

* * *

"You, my girl, are overreacting." Dr. Ryan concluded, leaning back against her leather swivel chair.

Devi had one more session in her therapy package deal and Dr. Ryan's secretary had called her to come in and sit in for the final session before term ended before study break. Devi looked glumly at the small blue cylinder ceramic jar in front of her, unbeknownst to her that it was the same jar her mother had clasped to her chest just two weeks ago.

"Ben is the one being an ass. He kissed me-,"

"I thought _you_ kissed him."

"He- well, it was a mutual thing- anyway- we kissed while Ben was still seeing his girlfriend."

"But you _both_ knew that when you kissed."

"Yeah, but–"

"And he broken up with her now right?"

"Yeah, but– it's too late now, isn't it?"

"You know what I think Devi?"

Devi rolled her eyes, knowing that Dr. Ryan was going to go ahead and say it anyway.

"You know what I think? I think liking Ben is the first time you honestly put your heart out there for someone, and the moment there are any hint of any problems, you instantly close up and shut that person out."

"Aaaand your point is?"

"You gotta work it out with him. He's a growing young man too as you are a growing young lady. You have both got to learn."

"Hell yeah I'm a growing young lady. Dr. Ryan, you wanna know what I did with Paxton?"

Now it was Dr. Ryan's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh dear god no-"

"No but it was amazing! We-"

"Get out."

Devi was walking out and she was at the door.

"Oh and Devi?"

"What?"

"For godssakes remember to use protection."

"Oh god Dr. Ryan!" Devi cringed. Then put her hands on her hips. "I know you said that as a veritable member of the medical profession and as a responsible adult to a teen, but I _got_ this y'know. All the things-"

"Okay _n_ _ow_ get out."


	4. Chapter 4

Eleanor ran up to Devi.

"Have you heard?"

"What?" Devi was already in her exam revision mode (read: always irritated) as there were only a few days left until term ended for study break and exams.

"Ben. Ben's leaving after this year. To go to some fancy Ivy league prep school I heard."

Devi felt like she'd walked into a wall of bricks. She had not been expecting this. Since she'd started dating Paxton and she and Ben had sort of fallen out, their relationship had regressed into one of minimal interaction excepting the occasional stank look they gave each other now and then. No, Ben wasn't supposed to leave. Ben was always a few tables away from her since they were little kids, within shouting distance. And they still had so many issues between them, she just, couldn't.

"What? Ben is leaving our school? He can't!"

Fab shrugged. "You will be unrivalled once he's gone. The title of valedictorian is yours to claim."

"Yeah– but–," Devi spluttered. She was at a loss for words. Why did Ben have to leave _now?_ And _why_ didn't he tell her?

"I have to find that nitwit," Devi muttered to herself, stalking down the corridor.

Eleanor and Fabiola exchanged a meaningful look. "Kind of reminds me of what Mr. Bennet said once about pairing up Devi and Ben for a group project- 'it will either be complete and utter chaos, or a beautiful union of brilliant minds, a perfect symphony.'" Eleanor looked thoughtful. "I think he used a quote from some 19th century play for that."

Fab glanced at her. "I think it's Ed Sheeran."

"Oh right."

* * *

Devi walked towards the student lounge rapidly, a whirlwind of emotions. Devi knew him inside out. His handwriting, his birthday (he was exactly 2 months and 14 days older than her), even his home phone number which she'd called many times before they even had their own mobile phones to brag to each other about their test results (yup, that was Devi and Ben), how he'd tried to change his wardrobe over the years to look more preppy and she'd laughed at him for it (as he'd laughed at her for trying to look more mature and sexy) and he way his body changed as even _he_ started working out, _ew_. She shook her head in disbelief at the fact that he was leaving.

"Benjamin Kurt Gross," Devi announced as she flopped on the armchair opposite Ben in the student lounge.

Ben looked up, slightly amused, from his laptop. "And to what do I owe the honour of Devi Vishnakumar's presence?"

Devi missed him already. There was no one else like him around. "You're leaving?" She was kind of mad at him for not telling her, and also the fact that she basically _wasted_ their last few months together _not_ doing anything except glare at him from time to time, oh my god. But though she'd been meaning to confront him, as she looked at him now something stopped her from grilling him. She had a feeling she knew why he didn't tell her, which... actually she didn't exactly know why, but it was pretty much the same feeling that made her so mad at Ben right now. Was it how frenemies would feel? Or was it the aftermath of that one kiss three months ago? She couldn't really tell.

"Yup, I'm leaving. After laying down the foundations for success it's about time to level up. Everyone knows the Macaulay Prep School is basically a stepping stone for Ivy League colleges on the East Coast. The stats say it all." Ben gave a small shrug and a smile.

Devi looked at Ben, stunned into silence. Not at what he said; the _content_ very much belonged to the script of Ben. But it was the way he said it. He'd said it with hardly any of his usual snark and know-it-all-ness, and sounded almost gentle and wistful, as if he'd only said those things to just go through the motions of the ritual frenemy act and dance that was him and Devi. He sounded almost sad that it was going to be one of the very last times they were going to do this exchange. For some reason it made Devi want to cry.

Devi got up and walked over to Ben's armchair, which could just barely fit two people.

"Move over," she ordered him. Ben obliged slowly, putting his laptop on the table in front of them. Devi sat next to him.

Devi tried to swallow down the overwhelming compulsion inside her to cry and throw her arms around Ben. She managed a small smile instead which mirrored Ben's and punched him lightly on his shoulder.

"Hey, big guy," (it always used to be one of Devi's favourite put-downs of Ben as Ben was _just_ so slightly shorter than her), "where's your fighting spirit? You gotta beat all those scary overachievers in that preppy school you're gonna go to. Finally all those polo shirts put to good use." She pointed finger guns at him, in typical bold-cringey Devi fashion. "Don't let me down eh?"

Ben let down his guard, probably for the first time since their kiss, and held his arms open for a hug. "Come here," he said, laughing. "I'm gonna miss you."

Devi barrelled into his arms, secretly glad that she was given an opening to hug him, and for a moment they froze, then sank into each other's arms. Devi's nose sensed the warmth from the crook of Ben's neck and Ben's chin rested on her shoulder. Suddenly a whole rush of possible _what-ifs_ and _what_ - _could-have-beens,_ if they only had acted slightly differently, rushed through them, and in them arose a longing that coursed through them. Ben made sure the longing, which felt like electric sparks all along his body, stopped right at the tips of his fingers before his fingers started to move without his control (he only let himself scrunch her shirt a little), and Devi had to wilfully concentrate to freeze her whole body so she would not grab him and kiss him again, because, well, what would come of that except a crappy long-D relationship? And also technically that would also be cheating on the Pax. After a length, in which both of them wondered if holding on a bit longer would be too obvious, they slowly broke apart. Devi, for once, was too overcome for words.

"All the best, David," Ben said, finally, with a smile. With slow, deliberate movements, he shut his laptop, picked it up and swung his backpack over his shoulder, slowly walking away backwards.

Devi could only muster a smile and a wave, wondering if it was the last time she would ever hear that nickname.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Devi fidgeted in the wooden booth in the small Mexican restaurant that Paxton had chosen for tonight's dinner (yep, it was the same one where Eleanor's mom was spotted last time), as Paxton picked up the menu and eyed it.

She sighed as she looked at his dark eyebrows (occasionally moving as he reacted to the menu) and forehead above the top of the menu. She knew she should be happy with him, be grateful for this super-hot AND actually-nice, fine human specimen in front of her now. So why did she feel so restless whenever she was with him?

Paxton sensed it too; in the way she always looked around and drummed her fingers on the table during lulls in conversation, tapping her feet when the food took too long to come or if they had to wait a little longer in line; how she always wanted to try something new! and go someplace else! as that doing that again is sooo boring (Paxton had put his foot down at the latest suggestion, a hotdog eating competition, citing 'ab maintenance'). She also always jumped at every opportunity to make out, even more so than him, though Paxton wasn't sure that was because she was restless or whether because, well, all girls wanted to jump his bones. It had gotten worse since that smart kid left, the guy who was basically the male equivalent of Devi. Recently, such as when he was driving or when they were thinking of something to say, Devi would just zone out and would only snap back to attention when Paxton called her name.

They were also missing that something. Trent called it "the vibe". His sister called it "chemistry". He furrowed his eyebrows. What did his sister know about that anyway. He hoped she wasn't seeing anyone behind his back or staying up past midnight again to watch Riverdale (he made a mental note to confront her when he got back). Anyway, whatever it was called, it wasn't there between Devi and him. Time to face the truth.

He set down the menu. He only had to look up and lift two fingers from the table ever so slightly before their server noticed and came over, another perk thanks to his good looks. People, regardless of age or gender always took quick notice of him, except... perhaps Devi.

"Devi?"

She looked up, blank. "Huh?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Order?"

Devi blinked rapidly waking up from her reverie. "Oh, yeah, sure."

The quesadillas came. Devi shovelled the quesadillas into her mouth and then finally looked up enquiringly when she realised Paxton hadn't touched the food at was looking at her with a serious expression.

"We... kind of have to talk."

Devi nodded and tried to chew and swallow her food to reduce the size of her bulging cheeks while Paxton continued.

"Look, we've been hanging out for a while now, and... I... I'm not sure what this is, or where we're going." Devi took quick swig of her lemonade.

Paxton ran both his hands through his hair, frustrated, and continued slowly, gesturing with his entire arm earnestly whenever he faltered, like teenage boys did when they felt a lot more than how they expressed it. "I mean, I like you and all... and you're cool. I mean, totally different from the girls I've, you know, dated before. But... this doesn't feel like a relationship. Dev, how do you feel. What do you think. About, well, us."

He looked at her searchingly. Usually girls that hung around him were quite predictable, and although Devi did have those moments when she was being totally obvious, sometimes she was impossible to understand.

Devi played with her fork for a while before speaking slowly. "Honestly Pax, I don't know. I've been feeling kind of weird lately about us too."

Paxton felt his heart sink slightly as the direction and the endpoint of the both of them suddenly came barreling into sight, after they'd only said a couple of words. But he had to move this on, he was big man Pax after all, and he and Devi both deserved the truth. He took a deep breath and continued with what naturally followed from there.

"I've been doing a bit of thinking about this–" Devi's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he said that and he resisted an urge to roll his eyes at that subtle snub, before gathering himself together to continue– "and, I think– I dunno, Big D." He shrugged and looked at her. "I just don't think we're working out."

Now that it was finally out in the open, Devi seemed to find it easier to say what she wanted to say. "Yeah... I mean. I don't know. Hanging out with you is fun and everything, and you're really cool, and you did kind of open up a whole world to me with all your friends and cool parties and– stuff, and," she laughed, more to herself, (Paxton briefly wondered if she was thinking dirty) "well, it was a fun ride. But yeah," she nodded with small sad smile, "I don't think we're working out either."

Paxton smiled, glad that Devi was on the same page as him and that this whole process wasn't long, painful and drawn out, as others had been before. He stood up, breathing an inner sigh of relief as well as feeling a tug at his heart, and opened his arms. "Hug it out?"

They hugged. Paxton surprisingly enjoyed the rest of his dinner with her. They agreed to stay friends, as he'd always agreed to with the other girls before, though it never happened in his experience. After dinner he stood in front of the cashier to play the bill. The cashier girl was repeatedly tucking her hair behind her ear, clearly affected by him, giggling nervously while punching out the bill. Devi was standing a few paces away from him, already at the doorway, playing with her phone.

He would miss Devi. She was cute and quirky and kind of different. But he had no regrets about it though it didn't work it. In fact, he was glad that he'd chosen to take a chance with her, to follow his sister's advice and to go for her without caring about who he was or who she was. It was kind of a breakthrough– that he didn't need to think about those things. To break the unwritten rules. To have state of mind was probably a good mindset for swimming, too, he thought. Not thinking about the limitations. Maybe he would keep himself girl-free for a while to work that positive mindset into honing his freestyle into top form for summer heats coming up. He kind of missed being laser-sharp focused on swimming, and he was excited to hit the pool now that exams were finally over. As they walked across the open parking lot, he told her all of that.

"Hell yeah," Devi said, and high-fived him.

Somehow, as he revved the engine and his rover reversed out of the lot, he had a feeling that this might be the one exception to the unwritten rule of not being able to stay friends.

"Rulebreaker," he said to Devi, without elaborating, as they zoomed out of the parking lot.

Devi laughed, probably because, to her, it was one of the rare times when Paxton was the one saying something random instead of her, and she looked out the window without replying, the reflection of the alternating streetlights and shadows zooming past her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Not too much going on in terms of plot development going on here but had to be written to serve the overall story arc. Hope I did Paxton's POV justice, it was kind of fun to write, cos I mean, how often does one get to step into a teenage heartthrob's shoes? NOT often, y'all!


	6. Chapter 6

It was a few weeks after she and Paxton had broken up, at a party at someone else's house, when Devi spotted Shira lounging over at the sofa. She made a beeline for the girl. She didn't even know why, she didn't even like that instabitch; but seeing her made her think of Ben and on impulse she wanted to cling on and get closer to what reminded her of Ben.

She got Shira's attention by photobombing her selfie with a cross-eyed look and her tongue stuck out.

"Ew, get out, what are you doing?" Shira said to Devi.

Devi squeezed onto the sofa to sit next to Shira, forcing her and her friends to shuffle sideways to make room for her.

"Hey, nice to meet you too. Always nice to see a familiar face in these parties. Send me that pic, by the way. I think I nailed that photobomb."

Shira's friends got up and sauntered off, their attention span having exceeding their limit, leaving the two of them alone.

Shira sucked on the lollipop that she had been holding to take selfies with. "So what's up?"

Devi wondered if Shira even knew her name. She decided to just get straight to it. "Have you... kept in contact with Ben? Do you know how he's doing?"

Shira shook her head and raised her eyebrows. "Err... no. Since we basically broke up cos of you." She shrugged and said it matter-of-factly.

Devi knew that was the case already, but to hear it being said still sent a shudder through her. "I'm um, sorry about that," she started (what did people say in these situations?) "But well, we didn't work out either, so," she trailed off.

Shira pointed with her red lollipop as she spoke. "It's alright. Benny and me were never gonna work out anyway. It was more of a friends with benefits thing. Not that kind of benefit, I mean," she shot at Devi as Devi raised her eyebrows. "Like me with my homework and grades, and Ben, you know, getting some of my glamour and popularity rub off on him."

Devi choked on her drink, wondering how Ben used to be able to stand this girl. Probably the boobs, Devi thought as she found herself staring at Shira's cleavage as Shira leaned forwards towards her to throw her unfinished lollipop in the bin. Aaand probably also "that kind of benefit" too, Devi thought to herself.

"Sad you guys didn't work out though," Shira continued offhandedly, settling back into the sofa. "What did he say about you. He said... 'it was like someone he'd known his whole life as an enemy had become a friend... and that was already the most wonderful thing that could happen, but now he might be in love with her too. Something like that. It was quite sweet actually. Hey, Devi, you still listening?"

At hearing those words, Devi felt a huge wave hit her right in the face, like those amateur surfers she saw on the beach sometimes. She mumbled thanks and a quick excuse to Shira, leaving the party before Eleanor and Fab could track her down. She returned home, Shira's words still echoing in her, and turned on her laptop.

She scrolled through the various infrequent email threads that she and Ben had over the years. They were all just attachments of powerpoints of this and that group project, mostly just attachments without any subject or content, except for the occasional curt comment like "I reworked this as I want a better grade", "don't you DARE change anything", "don't B Gross". She laughed at the last one. How unromantic they were. She smiled to herself and hit 'compose new mail'. How should she start?

~~Dear~~

Hi Ben,

Fortune favours the bold

And I know I was kind of cold

But now it's time the truth was told

That I think you and I are gold

Are gold

Make gold

Form gold?

The last one sounded kind of mineral, which wasn't really the effect she was going for. She grudgingly had to admit that Ben had always been the better one at literature. Bleh, she thought, the whole thing sounded like a bad rap song. Maybe she should be more conversational instead. Prose instead of rhyming couplets. Casual prose. Chill prose, yo.

So how are you bro? I've missed you! Really. And WHY didn't we keep in touch after you left? I hope you're still using this spongebensquarepants email and haven't outgrown it in your cool new rich preppy school. If the kids there laugh at you about it and if I ever hear about it I will kick their ass(es) as only I get to laugh at you. And fine, vice versa. ANYWAY. What I want to say is actually this:

So I know that it's super bad timing and all with you being on THE OTHER SIDE of the country and everything but I'm sorry I was mad at you. And though I think you were wrong too I think we both made mistakes and I'm sorry I didn't give us a chance. So what I guess I'm saying now is

What did she want to say? How did she want this to work? She backspaced again and her mind drew a blank.

Ben, I. bbbnnnnn nnnnnnnnnn nbnmgb

Devi had fallen asleep.

* * *

[2 years later]

"Devi, Devi, come here and say hello to Uncle Nishant and Auntie Rupi and Uncle Aravind and Auntie Tanya, will you. And also bring the samosas over!" Devi's mother called from their living room.

"Okay, I'm coming!" Devi called from the kitchen, picking up the plate of samosas and walked over to where her mother was with the various aunts and uncles in the living room.

The house was completely packed after Kamala and Prashant's wedding ceremony (yes! they had gotten married!). The older relatives were seated, the cousins, nieces and nephews were standing around holding drinks and plates of food while small children scooted in between legs and ran around shouting and yelling like it was their own home.

Devi sat down next to her mother on the sofa. She knew Uncle Aravind. The lady next to him must be his wife, Auntie Tanya. The other two she'd never seen before.

"So, Deviiiiii," Uncle Aravind smiled, shakily setting his teacup back onto the saucer and grabbing a samosa. "Valedictorian, eh? Smarty pants eh?" He pointed at Nalini. "You got those genes from her, mark my words."

An unidentified auntie shook her head. Auntie Rupi, probably. "My goodness, America is so complicated, having all these strange latin names for things. Back home it is just first, second, third... or last," she said, bringing down one palm against another like a knife on a chopping board at her last word, bracelets jangling.

"So, Victorian," continued the other Uncle (Nishant? It had to be). "What's your great plan for the future?"

"Economics. University of Chicago." Devi said, firmly. Though she was facing Uncle Nishant as she was saying it, those words were meant for her mother who was sitting at her side. She'd received an unconditional offer from UChicago yesterday, and though her mother had wanted to steer her in the direction of medicine to take pre-med, biomedical sciences or whatever aspiring medical students took these days, she knew she had a streak in her that longed to speak out, to speak for something, to fight for something, and it wasn't something that could be achieved by relieving someone's itchy bum, or even, she'd said sadly to her mother, by saving lives. "There are great people out there who could do that, and that's amazing. But that's not for me," she'd told her mother last night. "And plus. I want to be in a cool big city far from home to partayyyy!". Oops, that came out. Devi expected her mother to flip a switch when she said that, but her mother had just rolled her eyes and laughed. Woah, when did my mom become a cool mom? she thought. Though her mom still complained about it not being Ivy League and not having anyone in the family to take over her practice, she still could see that her mother was proud of her.

"Not following in your mother's footsteps, Victoria?" Auntie Rupi said. Okay, Devi didn't feel so bad about not knowing who they were now. Victoria?

Devi blinked, trying hard not to 'disrespect her elders' (she could almost hear her mother snapping the words) and swallowed down a retort. "I'm Devi, in case you missed it Auntie Rupi. And no, I'm not. Me and my mom have had long discussions about this, but," she shrugged, "in the end I guess my rebellious streak won out."

The relatives chuckled. Devi's mother seemed to take the direction of the conversation in stride, laughing. "This girl, Aravind, takes more from her father than from me actually," she laughed. "She says she wants to be a lawyer or a journalist or something. Maybe it will suit her as she keeps talking back to me at home. She should finally put some of those skills to good use in society, and," she turned and smiled at Devi, "I'm sure this girl can put up a good fight anywhere."

Though she knew her mom had meant it as a joke, Devi glowed when her mother said those words and their relatives chuckled.

"Interesting, interesting," Uncle Aravind continued. "Also, Devi, economics is an interesting choice. Following in the footsteps of Amartya Sen, I see. Brilliant man, brilliant man. Did I tell you all about the time I met Amartya Sen in a Mumbai public toilet? Men, mark my words, it is not always a bad thing to look around before you pee, or you never know what you might see! It was..."

They had all heard the story. Many times, in fact, and they duly laughed in the right spots.

Aunty Tanya then followed, "And just a thought. Maybe if she takes economics she can also be a CEO or something. You know, there are many Indian CEOs in the US right now, I can count them, there are even many female Indian CEOs, that PepsiCo lady, what's her name, Devi maybe you should go talk to her..."

Devi's mind drifted off as she saw a bunch of kids running up the stairs. Hopefully not to her room. Please. Devi politely excused herself from the adults and went up to check on her room, planning to lock it to stop the kids from jumping on her bed or messing up her Harry Styles poster in her room that she'd bought with Eleanor and Fab last week. Eleanor dubbed him "the Mick Jagger of our generation" and Devi kind of had to agree. "He's fab," Fab had simply said.

Devi walked up the wooden stairs slowly, indulging in the small break from socialising it gave her, thinking about the events of the morning.

Kamala and Prashant had registered their marriage and had a small celebration at the local Hindu temple this morning. Throughout today, Devi had the feeling that she really wanted to say something to Kamala which was building inside of her– but she didn't really know what to say.

Kamala's relationship to Devi fell somewhere in between a sister and an aunt; but sort of ended up as neither. She was almost like a sister in a way that they could both watch teen dramas and talk about the hot guys; but then Kamala would get embarrassed and coy and clam up. She was also the annoying model of ~Indian perfection~ that Devi always felt her mother was using to compare Kamala to Devi with. But in a sense Kamala was much older, they had a different cultural upbringing, and they had their own lives which they didn't share with each other. They had basically passed the last three years living in the same space but not together. And now Kamala was leaving.

Earlier that morning, Devi watched as the veil was lifted from Kamala's head to a small intimate smattering of applause. It was a beautiful morning. The usual blue Californian sky was even more radiantly blue today and made the white walls, the orange flowers that hung in streams and curled around chairs, and the saris and kurtas of all shades– all these colours were steeped in a deeper, richer hue than usual. The prayers ended and the guests got up and milled about to the background trill of Bollywood music, which was itching to awaken the dancing spirit that lay in all of them. Some of them tapped their feet inadvertently and others shook their heads along to the beat while talking to one another. Devi smiled as she realised she loved it; what she had been resisting all her life– she loved all of this.

The wedding procession was starting to move out of the courtyard and into the various vehicles that would bring them back to Devi's home. Devi's mother walked past her carrying a bunch of things and looked up at Devi as if to order her to do something, then noticed the look on Devi's face and seemed to change her mind. Instead, Nalini gave her a small smile and touched her on the cheek briefly, not saying a word, before hurrying away, a rare moment of silent understanding between mother and daughter. Devi looked at her mother's retreating figure with her sari scarf streaming behind her.

Kamala was to stay with them for a couple more days until she would leave with the rest of the family, Nalini included, to go back to India for the main ceremony. "This is just the trailer, Devi," her mom had said of the ceremony in the States. "The actual movie will be in India." Devi couldn't join them as she had an MUN trip to Florence next week, which she was super excited about. But. That basically meant that she had to say goodbye to Kamala, well, now. She didn't even know if Kamala and Prashant were coming back to the States after the wedding as there were plans that they would stay in India for a while first.

"Oh crap Kamala! You scared me!" Devi bumped into her when she reached the second floor landing. Kamala was still in her red traditional wedding dress and had just come out of her room.

"Kamala– what are you doing here?" Devi asked her, feeling the moment had now come to say that important thing (which she did not yet know what) to Kamala.

Kamala shrugged. "What do you mean, what am I doing walking out of my room? It is still my room for the next few days you know, although," she waggled her left hand with her wedding ring on it, not being able to resist, beaming, "I am a married woman now!"

Kamala was just about to brush past her, preoccupied, when Devi stopped her. "Hey, um. Congrats on the wedding. I'm really happy for you guys. Honestly."

Kamala tilted her head and said, "Aww, thanks dear," and gave her a hug.

Devi hugged Kamala tightly in return. She suddenly found herself tearing up as she cried, "and I'm gonna miss you."

Kamala drew back, looking amused and surprised that Devi was being so emotional yet feeling her own eyes moisten as well. "Devi, aww, I'm going to miss you too! We're still going to see each other, you know. Except hopefully without having to shout at each other for using the toilet for too long."

Devi sniffled as Kamala stroked her hair and wiped the tears from Devi's eyes. "I don't even know why I'm emotional Kamala. I thought I didn't like you!" she blurted. Devi looked up at her, eyes red. "And I'm sorry for being a bitch sometimes. Like now, even. I'm sorry. I really will miss you."

Kamala laughed and hugged her again. "Aww it's alright, Devi. Sometimes it's the people you never thought you would like... that you end up loving the most."

Devi knew Kamala was thinking of Prashant when she said that, but it made Devi think of someone else.


	7. Chapter 7

The chairperson pounded the gavel on his stand on the elevated platform. "Settle down, settle down, the session is in order. Please, Kazakhstan, can you present the topic we will be discussing today?"

A tall skinny guy stood up and cleared his throat. "Today we wish to address the discord between US and China, namely, in terms of trade and technology warfare. Though we are a small country, we, as Kazakhstan, are..."

Devi quickly finished the last of the second gelato she was having for lunch and chucked the paper cup into the bin under their table. The guy's voice resonated in this beautiful old municipal hall with large panelled glass windows, wooden floorboards and slender stone pillars reaching up to the high ceiling. She guessed this hall might be as old as the domed Cathedral Santa Maria next to it. Sunlight streamed into the hall, illuminating dancing dust motes. The muted sound of tourists milling outside made her slightly restless. Anyway, she just needed anything, any distraction, whether Kazakhstan or tourists outside, to take her mind off the fact that Ben K. Gross was here, in the same room as her, after not having seen nor spoken to him for the last two years.

She had no idea that he was coming to this same MUN conference in Florence until a moment ago when she saw the name plates being placed on the table next to the country plates. Maybe he was a last minute addition, but he looked as shocked as she did when he walked into the room with his fellow delegate friends. They'd awkwardly smiled at each other from across the room and Devi had raised a stiff hand in greeting. To which the chair had asked if she needed a restroom break before starting. Devi had quickly said no and put her hand down, but not before glancing at Ben, who, noting the whole interaction, had cracked into a wide smile. Devi, looking at that smile, felt something unlock inside her and a whole surge of emotions come pouring out; the things she'd kept bottled for the past two years. All she could manage was an uncharacteristically timid smile in return as the chair had called the session into order.

She fingered her country plate. She couldn't believe it. She was South Korea and he was North Korea. She smiled to herself. She wondered if he remembered their little pact back then, before she'd gone and dramatically blown it all.

"...it will be better if all countries get along," Kazakhstan concluded.

A girl representing Eritrea raised her hand and spoke in a thick Italian accent. "Maybe some countries aren't meant to get along, you know," she shrugged, "like North and South Korea... mortal enemies."

Ben raised his hand. Devi's heart hammered in her chest. "Objection," he said. He glanced towards the chairperson. "I'd rather Eritrea not refer to the Koreas in that way if that's possible please."

Devi despite her nervousness, scoffed in spite of herself. _The Koreas_? No-one referred to the two countries that way since General MacArthur and she felt her old competitive side stir up again as she stood up.

"Why not mortal enemies? I don't see North Korea making great diplomatic overtures to get on better with South Korea," she said, looking directly at Ben. She could almost see Ben flushing and she probably looked the same. She couldn't believe that they hadn't met in two years and _this_ was the first thing she'd just said to him. "The regular testing of missiles doesn't really scream 'friendly greeting', you know."

Ben rattled off a quick list of the missiles they had tested for the past year for clarification before diving into his defense. Boy sure read up on his facts, Devi thought to herself. He made a long speech about the importance of self-defense and how it was done in every country, before concluding "and well, we are a nuclear power after all. Non-nuclear nations might not be very comfortable with the fact."

Devi was fired up and in the zone. "Uh, excuse me, are we still in the 21st century or did you just drag us back to the 1970s again? Development on a global scale since then has been about _denuclearisation_. Not cool to be bragging about the number of weapons you have. Also, sometimes, this country thinks that nuclear power is the only power you have and you keep reminding us of it in case we forget."

There was a collective "ooh" through the tables after Devi's comment. She relished it. She'd missed arguing with Ben, she realised.

The chair pounded on the gavel. "Delegates, delegates, settle down. We're not here to discuss the situation between North and South Korea. China, the United States, do you have anything to say?"

The two respective delegates debated for a while.

Ben still looked like he hadn't finished talking. It was not like Ben to take a debating diss from Devi without retaliation, and Ben soon stood up after the delegate had finished speaking. As Ben stood up, Devi realised he'd grown taller. Like, quite a bit taller than her. Did he have delayed puberty or something with this late growth spurt, Devi wondered to herself, trying to hide an amused smile. And was that... a hint of stubble on his cheeks? He stroked his cheek subconsciously mid-sentence. Oh, it definitely was. Ben must have been so pleased, Devi thought to herself. She checked herself, wondering if it was too presumptuous of her to still assume that she knew Ben inside out after these two years. How she wished that she did though.

"Don't forget. We are all victims of circumstance." He looked straight at Devi and she felt her breath catch in her throat. Wait. What was he talking about?

"Just like North and South Korea." Oh, right. "We were the victims of political manipulation by large forces at work. Why couldn't they just leave us be? We should have just been one... country." His gaze lingered on Devi.

Devi took a deep breath and got up. "Well. It's too late to go back and change the past now, right?" she continued in a steady voice. "We have irreconcilable differences now. Ideologically. Culturally, we're also very different. I mean, in such a fractured world, a union of North and South... I'm not sure if it's very feasible." she sat back down quickly, looking at the table, feeling flushed. She had chickened out and she knew it. Ben also sat down slowly.

There was silence in the hall for a moment. Then United States finally raised her hand to speak. It was Devi's old MUN mate, Carla, whom Devi had first met on her rogue MUN trip almost three years ago, and she went on to discuss American liberal values in sweeping poetic terms.

The kid representing Germany put up his hand. "That sounds good and all, but what are you going to do to balance the trade deficit?"

Polite titters went around over the European delegates section.

The debate went on swimmingly, with the two countries hammering out the details of a solid trade plan, or as solidly as a bunch of eighteen year olds could do. The US then had to take a toilet break and somehow the debate veered back to North and South Korea again. Ben was being grilled on his country's lack of transparency.

"Everyone needs to go through mistakes and a learning curve. And it's not like we need everyone to know everything that's going on within our country. Countries are like people. Some people just don't like flaunting themselves on social media that much," Ben said, giving United States a side eye. Devi almost laughed. She stood up for a rebuttal.

"It's not individual privacy we're talking about, North Korea. This is transparency and accountability we're talking about. You're just... so unwilling to open up sometimes. To tell us your weaknesses. You've always wanted to show us that you've got it all together, but...," Devi trailed off. Ben was looking at her intently. "But you've got all these hungry people starving in your country," she said, ending it quickly.

"That's why we need your food. Your instant rice and your fried chicken. And maybe some beer to go along with the chicken. _Then_ we'll be talking," Ben replied, without missing a beat. A few chuckles were heard. Devi rolled her eyes for the crowd and for Ben, but secretly wondered why it felt like Ben had just asked her out.

"And honestly," Ben was on a roll now. "Are we really that different? We have differences, true. But we speak the same language, albeit in different accents and tones that normal regional variations would also bring about. We have similar sensibilities. I'm sure we would cry at the same scenes in movies, if we could ever watch the same ones. And we are people that deeply love our country, even more so after a drink or two. What do you say, South Korea? How about we form an alliance, or even reunite, to face the world?"

A smattering of applause went around the hall as the delegates turned to face her. Devi felt giddy and elated. What on _earth_ was going on? (And had Ben been watching Korean dramas?)

She paused before speaking, looking at Ben who was watching her with steady eyes. Okay, Vishnakumar. Be calm, collected and professional. And also happy! "I can see the benefits of an alliance," she said slowly, a spark returning to her eye. "Reunification? That's asking a lot isn't it, after so much time spent apart." She glanced down at her notes, untouched this whole time, then looked up at Ben and gathered herself to say what she'd wanted to say all along, way before this conference. "But I think it's worth a shot."


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

The session had ended for the day and people were milling about, socialising. Through an adjacent door leading off the hall, they all trooped into a large white lounge with traditional cushiony sofas and large windows. Several wait staff in white jackets appeared out nowhere bearing sparkly drinks ( _not_ champagne apparently, according to Carla who'd just tasted it) and canapés. Canapés! How fancy. Devi and Carla were egging on the chairperson (who was actually a college student, an MUN alumni) and their teacher to allow them all to take the day off tomorrow.

"Oh, come on, Mr. Fielder," Devi urged him. "We've gotten _so_ much done today that the real world hasn't even achieved yet. This is our first trip abroad." She held spread her arms out to either side of her in a beatific stance. "We have to soak in all that Italy has to offer!"

For once, boring Mr. Fielder seemed to agree with her. He looked at Gina, the chair, and Gina nodded. "Yeah, I mean, maybe we should do a day trip or something with the whole delegation," Gina said. Gina was from South Africa and seemed super cool. "Maybe they can explore the town of Florence by themselves and we can all do a day trip somewhere. Get to know each other more." She squinted out at the late afternoon sun, then suddenly turned to Devi. "Speaking of getting to know each other, are you and North Korea acquainted? That was _pretty_ intense back there."

Devi laughed loudly. "Oh, oh, no. I mean, we _are._ But not in _that_ way. Just. Acquainted. As acquaintances. Not a trifle more." _Trifle?_

Gina raised her eyebrows meaningfully at Devi when Carla squealed, "GROSS! How the heck did you get here!" Ben had approached them.

Devi had been subconsciously been quite aware of Ben since after the debate, knowing where he was and what he was doing, but she gave a start as Carla threw her big arms around Ben and her other MUN mates gathered around him. Of course, they knew Ben too since they'd been at the same school. She totally forgot. She smiled and held her glass of bubbly grape juice as they accosted him. Ben glanced up at Devi in the midst of the fray as her friends bombarded him with questions and gave an amused shrug, before attending to his former classmates again.

Devi, too full of emotion to join the group, wandered over to the open door where some of the delegate members were sitting on the large stone steps of the entrance to the municipal hall, soaking in the afternoon sunshine with the pigeons and the tourists, talking and laughing. She heard the tinny melodious sound of a street violin being played behind an unknown street corner, probably in one of the multiple small streets that lead off from the square. She sat on the stone steps and soaked it all up.

"Hey," Ben came over and sat down next to her. Devi felt a thrill run through her.

"Hey," Devi smiled back. "Good to see you, big guy." She finally allowed herself to turn to look at him in close proximity. He was the same, except a bit bigger and taller and with the hint of stubble that she'd seen earlier. She also realised something that she'd been dimly aware of during the debate. He seemed more confident and self-assured in the way that he'd talked and held himself – less the arrogant show-off that he was before because he thought he _could_ , like he did in the past, but just quietly confident because he _knew_ he could. It made him infinitely more attractive in Devi's eyes, but also made her feel a tug of sadness and made him feel distant from her, like he'd slipped away and maybe was not beholden to her charms anymore. It also made her feel... sort of _shy_ around this new Ben, something she'd never thought she'd be around him. Or anyone for that fact.

He cracked a wide smile when she called him 'big guy'. Her clenched heart loosened by a tiny crack.

"So," she continued, "we just made diplomatic history back there, didn't we?"

Ben laughed and Devi's heart ached as he did so. "I guess we did, I guess we did. Finally, two years later!"

Devi's heart leapt when he referred to that silly agreement they'd made two years ago on that rogue MUN trip. So he did not forgot. But was he only just being friendly? He had to be. Maybe Ben was hiding a prep school girlfriend back over in Massachusetts. How disappointing.

"Hey-"

"Hey-" They'd both said it at the same time. Devi nodded towards him. "You go first."

"Well, I was just wondering... if you wanted to go for a walk." Ben asked her.

In spite of herself, her heart gave a flare of hope at that. Devi gave a small smile, controlling her response. "Sure," she replied. They got up to set their glasses back on the tables inside. Carla caught her to talk about dinner plans and when she was done and Devi turned around, Ben was waiting at the doorway for her, silhouetted in the afternoon light. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Well, _hello."_ she said as she approached, fighting the urge to hold onto his arm as the both of them descended the stone steps and walked across the square, the sounds of the tourists and locals milling about them restricting their conversation. Neither felt the need to yell over those sounds and so they walked without talking for a while. She wondered if she should ask how he was, but it felt almost _trivial_ to do so after all they had said back in the MUN debate. It was a strange situation, in which everything seemed like it had already been said but yet actually had not yet been said. She wondered if the same thing was going through his mind.

They entered a small cobblestoned alleyway which was a lot quieter than the main street where it was easier to talk. Devi decided to just wing it and treat the new Ben like the old Ben and throw away her internal filter. "Oh my god, Florence is like _the prettiest place_ ever," Devi gushed instantly. " _And_ the food is amazing."

"Well, since we only got in last night, it's only technically your first full day here, so you still have a lot of time to explore everything," Ben said. "And you haven't only been eating _gelato_ , haven't you?"

Ben said "gelato" in bad Italian accent, instantly reminding her of his old annoying self, and it made Devi give him a playful push on the shoulder despite all the emotional undercurrents running through her.

"Is this YOUR first day here as well?" Devi asked him incredulously. Ben was walking and guiding them through these alleyways like a natural. She mock-gasped. "Oh dude, don't tell me that you guys have a VILLA here or something."

"Not _here_ exactly," Ben said slowly, clocking her reaction, as Devi groaned and rolled her eyes. ("I _knew_ it!") "But in Lake Como. Dad likes hanging out with George and Amal in the summer."

"George and Amal!" Devi repeated in incredulous disbelief (while another part of her was ecstatic that their conversation clicked, just like that). "You know," she said, "for someone who refers to George Clooney on a first name basis, none of that celeb star power has rubbed off on you, you know."

Ben gave her a pointed look and shrugged. "That's because I don't care about them. I just want to hang out with you." They were at the mouth of the alley looking out on the teeming Piazza Signoria.

Devi felt the turbulence inside of her rise up and threaten to overcome her at that. "But you haven't," Devi shot back without much thought. "Not in two years." Devi instantly regretted what she'd said. It came out as angry and resentful when she hadn't meant it to.

Ben looked at her as if wanting to say something, but they were distracted by a large middle-aged man that was walking along the periphery of the large square staggering in their direction. He seemed to be yelling at Devi in an unintelligible European language, but it was clear that he was yelling racist remarks at her. They stared for a moment, stunned, and the man laughed indulgently at her incomprehension. "INDIAN!" he yelled. "Smell bad." he wrinkled his nose and waved his hand in front of it like he had come across a foul smell. They were less than a foot away from him. "Curry curry smell so bad. Come and take over our country. Make it smell so bad, like toilet. Oh I forget. India no toilet. Poo-poo in street." Then he looked at Ben beside her and a wicked grin spread across his lips before making what seemed like lewd remarks in his native language about the two of them.

Ben put an arm around her and made a move to draw her away but Devi shook his arm off. "Mister," she said loudly. She stepped backwards a few steps to get out of hitting or spitting range, physically retreating but stance firm. A couple of passer-bys were now starting to look over at them. "First of all, if you want to make comments to put down me or my ethnic race, say it in a language that I can understand. English works just fine. Secondly, how DARE you make racist comments to tourists that come to spend money, keep your tourism industry and a lot of your jobs afloat? Thirdly, just," she looked at him, crossed her arms and shook her head. "Stop trying to make yourself feel better by putting other people down. It's just not gonna work."

The man stared at her, dumbstruck. Now it was Devi's turn to grab Ben by the hand to pull him away. But Ben was glued to the ground as he turned, steely-eyed and told the man, "Also, no one ever talks to Devi like that. Or you'll have to answer to me." Devi wanted to laugh, but realised with Ben's new height it _actually_ did sound intimidating. Then they ran. The man's shouts of (what they assumed to be) expletives faded away as the crowd swallowed him up behind them.

Without realising it, they had almost run across the whole square, hand in hand, reaching the Loggia arcade with the tall corinthian columns. Devi was still breathless from the adrenaline of what she'd just done, and they caught their breath next to a large stone column, the streams of sunlight slanting into the square.

"Saying that felt _so_ good!" she exclaimed, still out of breath.

Ben shook his head with amusement and wonder. "Honestly... Devi, you're the only person I know that would yell back at a racist drunk, give him a freaking lecture, and own it." They laughed.

He held out his hand to her again and she looked up, her breath catching in her throat. Was this gesture...? Her heart was opening, opening without her bidding, soaring, soaring as she straightened up to look into his face, his eyes, that were just as unsure and hopeful as hers. This gesture; this time they were not running away from anything nor was it a diplomatic entreaty.

 _Finally, finally, finally,_ a part of her thought and yet another part couldn't believe that this was happening. Devi smiled and took his hand as Ben grabbed it tight, intertwining their fingers instantly. Devi wanted to grab him and kiss him and she guessed she leaned in a bit because Ben laughed and tugged her hand gently towards his direction. "Hold up, hold up," he said, laughing. "I want to bring you somewhere."

Devi, ("What? I wasn't doing anything!") slightly embarrassed but too giddy to care, walked beside him towards the street overlooking the river Arno. She felt like she was walking on air, filled with excitement and pure joy with the conviction that, despite these two years apart, Ben, however impossibly so, also felt the same way. She sneaked a glance at him. He looked nervous, the first time she'd seen him so since seeing him today; and Devi realised she loved him for all his confidence and for all his nervousness. She wanted to be beside him for years to come, to go through all the confidences and all the nervousnesses, with him. She squeezed his hand.

They had finally come face to face with the river. The river below them, murky green on most days, was golden in the light of the sunset. Ponte Vecchio slightly further down the river glistened with its cute boxy shops. A fine cool breeze blew in, providing relief from the hot alleyways they'd just emerged from.

"This is amazing," Devi stated, as they both leaned against the parapet to look out the river for what seemed like the longest time before they finally mustered the courage to turn around to look at each other.

"David, I- I have to make a confession. I came on this trip because I knew you were coming."

"WAIT! Wait. Hold up. I want to say something too." Devi said.

Ben looked at her expectantly. 

Devi had to say it before he did, now that she finally felt fairly confident of where Ben's feelings were at. "I... still like you, Ben," she blurted out.

Ben beamed, or it seemed like his whole body was beaming and suddenly he stood lighter and taller and his huge smile couldn't get any wider.

"And... I was stupid and immature back then. But," she looked down and bit her lower lip, hesitating. "I think I've always liked you."

Ben wrapped her in a tight bear hug, which was frankly NOT the reaction she was expecting. Um, romantic sunset riverside kiss, anyone? "Ben!" she said, laughing, having her wind knocked out of her.

After the hug both their hands were intertwined and they couldn't stop smiling like idiots.

"I like you too, Devi." he said softly.

Devi was about to lean in for a kiss but then Ben interrupted her at the last moment. "I um, kind of had this super romantic speech prepared." He cleared his throat self-consciously. "So I'd be glad if I could finish that."

Devi's heart wanted to do cartwheels. Big romantic confessions in movies were her. secret. favourite thing. ever. Ben gave her a knowing, _you-know-you-love-it_ look at her and Devi mock-huffed. "Sorry I interrupted your big moment." 

"In typical Devi fashion."

"At least I'm consistent. Fine, let's hear it, then," she said, her heart pounding.

"So, I did some thinking about what to say when, you know, for this. For this moment." He let go of her hands abruptly and paced up and down in front of her before turning around to face her again.

"I thought to myself... what were the chances. And knowing that you had been dating literally _the_ most popular boy in school before I left... I told myself, well, not high. Extremely low as a matter of fact. Maybe one in 2,500? An optimistic guess. And who knows where or who you would have become in these two years. But... it's you, Devi." His voice almost broke at those last words. Devi had grabbed both his hands at hearing those last words and their hands rested on the stone railing, intertwined, her fingers caressing his as she reacted to his words.

Ben continued. "Even if you were making out with some other guy," he laughed jokingly but Devi could see his pained expression through his laugh and it stung and delighted her all at once. "I had to come and take a chance and see you no matter what."

His hands trailed up her forearms and he now held her arms gently. They drew closer. He took a deep breath before continuing. "But if there was the _slightest_ chance that you felt, you know," he blushed and looked down, before glancing up at her again, embarrassed, "like _this_... I originally thought, you know, I should prepare to say something. Romantic. Since we're in Florence, I thought I should quote something from 'A Room with a View'. I _love_ that novel, and I think you do too right?" Devi nodded as their eyes both lit up, for her that he knew and for him that she still liked it. "And the movie," she added, her voice numb trying to speak over the emotions within her.

He continued. "And since they actually stand _right_ here in this place that we do, I thought great. Only except, some dude had just died in that scene and I thought, well, maybe that was kind of morbid."

They had leaned in closer to one another as Ben was talking and Devi laughed and pushed him slightly on the chest, so that he leaned back and inadvertently took a small step back. "Also you don't have the long blond flaxen locks of George- whatshisname to pull it off," she said, laughing.

"Emerson," he corrected her, Ben being Ben. Devi rolled her eyes. He refused to be pushed away and now put both of his arms around her waist, encircling her as he drew her closer towards him slowly.

Her hands reached up to play with his short brown hair. "You just have these," she said, drawing up a strand of his hair, "nerdy brown...," she trailed off, distracted, as the closing distance between them subconsciously made them want to kiss. They could remember nothing else as they leaned in towards one another. Ben looked away at the last moment at the river to distract himself as Devi gave a small frustrated groan into his shoulder.

"Ben! You _tease."_ He laughed, probably also in amusement at her.

Burying her face in his shoulder felt so comforting for some reason. He smelt warm and comfortable and just exactly like... Ben. Strangely, amidst the flurry of butterflies, a wave of relief and calm washed over her. It was like coming home.

He continued, the nervousness also seeping out of him at the physical contact, but wanting, needing to finish what he had to say. His chin grazed the top of her head as he continued to speak. "So then, I thought, what about other classics? Out of the great literary heroines, you're probably most like Jane Eyre." He looked down at the top of her head.

"Independent and headstrong, yes. But prettier," she deadpanned into his shirt. She could feel the shaking of Ben's laughter as he heard her comment, which made her miss him and want him so much that she hugged him tighter, her arms around his neck, their bodies pressing into each other.

"But prettier," he repeated obligingly, his hand running up and down her back deliberately, also feeling the same charge of desire.

"Then I thought about all of Jane Austen's heroines," he said. Devi reluctantly drew back, wanting to give him all her attention without distracting him or herself, an elbow resting on the parapet, fingers still on his forearm, gathering herself together. "You're probably most like Lizzy Bennet out of all of them, I think." Devi flicked her hair and batted her eyelashes. "Pray, do go on," she said, imitating a posh British accent.

"Well, you're smart, kind, funny. You have pride but it's well founded, given how amazing you are," he said, his voice getting softer as he spoke. Devi's breath caught in her throat but she joked it off, flicking her wrist and saying, "Oh, you flatter me so, kind sir."

Ben grinned. "So I was gonna say something like, 'Will you, fair lady, let me be the Mr. Darcy in your life?'"

Devi choked and coughed over the railing. "That's a terrible line, Ben. Your fake British accent is worse than your fake Italian one," she said. "I mean, I love you and all–," she stopped as they both looked at each other as she realised what she'd just said.

Devi realised that she _did_ mean it, not only in that casual way, but that she really did love him, and Ben– what she'd said not even sinking in at first, and had only realised the full meaning of it when she stopped abruptly like that.

Ben took a deep breath as he came closer, letting her unfinished statement sink down upon them. "So, in the end I just decided to go for the truth, which is basically," he looked at her earnestly with those familiar blue eyes, "I think... I've been in love with you for about the past ten years, Devi Vishnakumar. It also took me ten years to realise that," he gave a self-effacing shrug and gestured to himself and his (new) taller height. "But you know, I hope you would understand. Delayed puberty and all. And also, you _are_ the smarter one out of us two."

Devi was laughing with her hand over her mouth but somehow she felt her eyes wet with tears as well. She had missed him _so_ much and she felt it all crashing upon her now. Ben's expression mirrored hers, his eyes were red, and his hands had reached up to her face and were cupping her jawline, her cheeks, tracing her ears, the corners of her eyes and running through her hair all seemingly at the same time, as if not knowing where to go all at once.

Ben's expression turned serious again. "But it took me two more painful years apart to finally be able to tell you." He slowly leaned in to give her a light kiss on the lips before taking a deep breath and saying with a tremor in his voice- "that I love you, too." he whispered.

"And I'm just...," he looked away for a second, needing to recollect himself as he was too full with emotion, before looking back at her, "like, _bursting_... inside... that you feel the same way. I can't... Dev. My god...-" Devi pulled him in closer and they leaned into one another again, too full for words. They were both laughing and crying at the same time.

"Awww... Ben! Stop crying, you idiot." They were wiping tears from each other's eyes now.

" _You_ stop crying first," he laughed. The moment was just so ridiculous, so full, so unbelievable. But it was them.

He kissed her a second time, landing on her smile and tasting the salt of her tears. Then Devi finally swooped in for the third, proper kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

They had dinner with the whole delegation and after dinner they trooped back up to their hotel rooms. Devi was restless and excited as they made their way up the carpeted hotel stairs.

"Party anyone?" she announced hopefully as the delegates all filed into their rooms past her. As they entered theirs Clara plopped face down on her bed and Sandra besides her followed suit.

Clara reluctantly rolled over the bed to look back up at Devi. "I'm winded today honestly. And we still have an early start tomorrow. I've walked more steps today than I have for the entire past two months taken together. Really gotta rest up."

Devi stifled an eye-roll at the step-counting. She turned, with not much hope, to Sandra. "San?"

San raised an arm from her bed, corpse-like. "I'm calling dibs on showering first."

Devi sighed. "Fine, you guys." She still didn't know what to do with that restless ball of energy inside of her though.

Carla suddenly sat up. "Oh yeah, by the way. Where were you after session ended today? I wanted to find you but you and Ben were nowhere in sight."

Devi gave a shrug and said in a deliberately offhand manner, "well, we were just hanging out. By the river Arno. Just catching up and stuff."

"Oh, cool. How was it?"

How was... the river? _Ben? The kiss?!_ "Um, it was cool," she said. An umbrella term that could encompass all aspects of it, she supposed.

"Ah, nice," Carla said as Sandra shuffled off the bed to gather her clothes in her bag to go shower. "Bring us there tomorrow, will you?"

"Sure," Devi said, in disbelief that she managed to get away with it like that. Eleanor and Fab would be pinning her down for an interrogation if they were here, she thought with amusement. God, she really missed them right now.

Devi played with her phone as Carla was dozing and Sandra was in the shower. A ping from her phone.

_Ben: Good night :)_

Wait. After ALL they'd been through today he was just gonna say good night?!

_Devi: wait WHAT you're sleeping?!_

_Ben: uhhh... i guess?_

_Devi: what room are you in Gross._

_Ben: 205. Why?_

_Devi: I'm coming over. Be prepared for a visitation from the goddess._

_Ben: ...I'm terrified._

_Devi: You should be._

Devi padded across the red carpeted corridor and knocked quietly at the door of room 205 which was just across the lift landing on the opposite corridor. The door opened and Ben poked his face out of it. She felt a thrill going from the top of her head down to the tips of her toes when she saw him. She briefly wondered how long it would take before her whole body would stop reacting seismically whenever she saw him.

He slowly edged out of his room (snores were heard in the background) and closed the door quietly. Devi an inch away from him and he was... only in a white T-shirt and boxers. She tried not to scan her eyes downwards. Somehow she'd always pinned him down as a tighty-whities sort of guy but _thank god_ he was a boxers guy instead. And they were...

"OH my god you're wearing sponge bob square pants boxers!" she tried to stifle her laughter.

He looked down, registering them, his face flushing furiously. "Well," he said self-consciously, "I live up to my usernames. Unlike most people ahemWonderwoman21."

Devi shrugged nonchalantly. "It was actually a tossup between Wonder Woman and Phenomenonal Woman. But I thought maybe Phenomenal Woman was a bit pretentious, you know, choosing a username from a POEM, so Wonder Woman it was. Gotta be down to earth, right?" she winked at Ben.

"Yeah, a superhero. Totally grounded." Ben shivered slightly as a draft blew down the corridor and they suddenly both of them realised that he was still, well, in his underwear.

"I'm... just gonna quickly get dressed first," he said, opening the door again.

"Okay," Devi said. "By the way."

"Yeah?"

"I love that you're wearing spongebob." She gave a wide goofy grin.

Ben felt his insides melt slightly. Did she know she could kill him with that look? Better not let her find out. "I love YOU."

"I love you too."

"Hang on. Be right back." He closed the door gently before he melted into a puddle of mush.

His hotel room was completely dark as both of his delegate friends were already asleep. He opened the closet. The light that emanated from it allowed him to root around for his pair of jeans stuffed at the bottom of his luggage bag somewhere. His mind was free to think.

It was only the first day of seeing Devi after two years apart, and they'd already said "I love you" to each other, whether seriously or jokingly, twice. Was it too fast? Were they heaping too much feeling into it, making it too intense, a short-circuit that would blaze and burn itself out? Or was it the other way around; were they trivialising the feeling too much? He frowned slightly, worried. It was Devi. It had to be perfect. He didn't want to mess it up again.

As he took out his pair of jeans, the realisation came to him. Them saying 'I love you' was adding anything or taking anything away from the bond between them. It was simply bringing light to what was between them all along. They had loved each other all this time, miraculously; the feeling had never changed. Saying it did not trivialise or warp what they shared; it was simply an acknowledgement of it. Their love was going to be there, a constant, burning bright star, no matter what. It filled him with confidence in what they had.

He felt utterly transformed by the realisation. Funny how pivotal moments like these took place whilst squatting in the light of an open closet door, while the love of your life was leaning against the wall outside the hotel room door, the wallpaper bulging and curling above her.

Still borne on that momentum, he came out and picked Devi up in his arms, whirled her around for a circle before putting her down.

"Woah, woah, woah, someone's getting excited," Devi, caught off-guard, laughed as he set her down.

"True life is lived when tiny changes occur," he simply said.

Devi cocked an eyebrow. "Tolstoy?"

Ben eye's widened. "How did you know? Wow, someone's been doing a lot of catching up reading while I've been gone."

"Uh. Excuse me? War and Peace. Winged it in sophomore year."

They walked across the lift landing and down the carpeted steps. Independent of their bantering, their hands were timidly doing a dance of their own, brushing, then reaching towards one another before they finally held hands. It made them beam with distracted smiles for a moment.

"Really? I don't remember you bragging about that to me though."

"You know, Ben, when one has so many achievements, it's just too much to talk about all of them. Didn't want to make you feel inferior and all that. See how considerate I was?"

Ben still looked unconvinced. "But you _definitely_ would have bragged about that to me."

Devi relented. "Hahaha. Yeah. It's cos I winged... the first chapter."

"I knew it."

"But I DID read the whole thing after you left. Wrote a winning essay on it. His take on the analysis of war by historians is fascinating. To not put the outcome of a battle down to war tactics, or troop numbers, or which general led, but instead lay in the conviction that each solider had in his heart as they went off to fight is revolutionary."

"But war tactics, troop numbers, artillery, superior geographical location– all these things _do_ influence a soldier in how they feel whether their battle would be successful or not."

"True. But Tolstoy argues that it is _that feeling_ which is what is crucial to winning or losing. Even with all the favourable factors in place, which was what the Napoleonic forces had in their early battles, lacking the momentum of each grunt soldier, a victory would not be possible. But the Russians fought it with their tooth and nail because it meant everything to them. And that's why they won."

"Is that what you think as well?"

"I think Tolstoy makes a point that historians don't dare bring up because they probably think it's not scientific or accurate enough. Interesting to ponder on but then again very difficult to prove or disprove. How do you even begin quantify the strength of a feeling."

Ben felt his own feelings for her throb strongly in his chest at that. But he countered, "it hardly made a dent in historiography precisely because of that. It's all quite irrational stuff honestly."

"Irrationality is awesome. Humans are irrational creatures. Aren't we?" Devi shrugged and smiled.

A glint appeared in Ben's eye. " _You_ definitely are."

"Only in liking you."

"People always say that but they can't help it."

Devi had to laugh the ridiculousness of that. Then, half-joking half-serious, she grabbed his arm. "Wait. You haven't stowed away a girlfriend somewhere over on the East Coast, right?"

They both remembered how Ben had belatedly broken up with Shira and a shadow flickered over his brow for a moment at the regretful memory. "Made myself fully single before I came. I had to break a lot of hearts." He shook his head in mock sadness. "No, but honestly I haven't really been dating."

They had reached the small hotel lobby and the sleepy-looking lady at reception gave them a stink-eye as they were talking loudly.

"Where do you want to go?" Ben asked her.

"Anywhere. Doing anything is fine as long as it's reckless and impulsive and rebellious. We need to make the most of our teenage years before they slip away!"

Ben grinned, amused, at her. "The last time I heard from you, you couldn't wait to be a mature and poised adult. Look what's happened to you now, tsk tsk."

"I believe that as two teenagers on the cusp of adulthood–," she started.

"...we should be stupid and immature while we still can?" he finished for her.

"Exactly. You'll thank me for this when we look back in years to come."

Ben and Devi both glowed with quiet happiness when she said 'in years to come' (Devi sometimes only realises the full implication of what she says after she's heard herself say it). She bit her lower lip. Ben, finally unable to hold back from kissing her for so long, leaned in to plant a soft kiss on her lips, touching her lower lip briefly with his thumb as they parted. Devi's lips parted automatically at his touch, wanting more.

The receptionist lady cleared her throat and muttered something in Italian under her throat.

"Scusami per il disturbo," Ben said to her, while Devi simply said "Scusi, scusi, scusi per la kisso!" loudly as they walked out of the lobby. The receptionist lady looked even more annoyed as they left, probably at Devi's Italian.

"I'm hungry," Devi announced.

"I know just the place to go," Ben said, taking her hand.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help me. i love them too much. i just don't want this to end! and also, like devi, i miss eleanor and fab. they will be back next chapter, promise.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Holy shit that's beautiful," she said.
> 
> "I bet that was your reaction when you saw me for the first time today too."
> 
> "Hahaha, that's very funny, Ben. And no, that was YOUR reaction when you saw me for the first time today."
> 
> She looked down from the stars and the corner of Ben's mouth curved up into a little smile as he didn't answer her.
> 
> She pushed him on the shoulder slightly. "Stop it," she warned.
> 
> The edge of Ben's smile grew wider. "Stop what?"
> 
> Devi pointed an accusing finger at him. "I would have never have thought this in a million years, but I believe you're a hopeless romantic." she announced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit where credit's due: plato is from google. religion-related from personal anecdotes. keats is from my burning fangirl heart (just like ben!).

"Oh my GOD this is amazing," Devi breathes, exhilarated.

It was almost 11pm and she thought all the shops and restaurants had closed, but Ben brought them down a small alleyway to a small family-run eatery (with a little help of google maps, because, well, it's the 21st century, who are we kidding here). The warmth from the light of the restaurant glowed out onto the alleyway and a few people were seated here and there, some inside, some on the al fresco tables that spilled out onto the small street. It was small and intimate, and she loved it.

They took a table outside. Accordion music (?) tinkered from the inside. Ben, proud of his choice, was beaming from ear to ear; his smile was so impossibly wide, talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve, that Devi felt unable to look at him directly, like the sun at midday. So she looked at the menu instead, indirectly basking in his warmth.

They ordered a bottle of Chianti between them. "Should we just go for a glass instead of a bottle...?" Ben suggested but Devi shot him down.

"Legal drinking age in Italy is sixteen. This," she pointed to the bottle as it came, "is to make up for the two years we've missed back home. All part of the cultural experience."

"As if you weren't drinking at house parties back home," Ben shot back.

"Oh, you're one to talk, with the wine cellar in your basement," Devi replied, taking a sip of wine and making a face.

Ben laid a hand on her arm and gestured up. The large rectangular space of sky between the small buildings was riddled with stars.

"Holy shit that's beautiful," she said.

"I bet that was your reaction when you saw me for the first time today too."

"Hahaha, that's very funny, Ben. And no, that was _your_ reaction when you saw me for the first time today."

She looked down from the stars and the corner of Ben's mouth curved up into a little smile as he didn't answer her.

She pushed him on the shoulder slightly. "Stop it," she warned.

The edge of Ben's smile grew wider. "Stop what?"

Devi pointed an accusing finger at him. "I would have never have thought this in a million years, but I believe you're a hopeless romantic." Devi announced.

Ben turned to fully look at her, amused, and raised his eyebrows. "Does that annoy you?"

"We are.... business-like. Sparring partners. And even if we're dating, which I assume we now are, since we just confessed our love to one another earlier today, we can't both dissolve into a puddle of mush. Someone has to be the rational one."

Ben shrugged nonchalantly. "You can take that responsibility."

Devi rolled her eyes. "And what will you be doing? The rich guy trying to pay the bills behind my back?"

"No. I'll just annoy you with my hopeless romantic antics. Awesome. Apart from my superior academic prowess, I've found another way to irritate you even further." He leaned back into his seat, bringing his hands up to his middle and drummed his fingers together. (Under the table, though, was a different story; his left knee was brushing against her thigh and their ankles were curled around each other.)

Their meatball pasta (Devi's choice; Ben had rolled his eyes, "Why are you choosing the _most_ American out of all the pastas you can have in Florence". Devi: "It's rustic and traditional. Something apparently you don't know how to appreciate.") arrived. Devi, being hungry, dug in first.

Ben watched her, a devilish glint in his eye. "Let me start by serenading you with something fitting for us being under this night sky."

"You sound like Eleanor dude," Devi said between mouthfuls. "I'm not sure if I can deal with more than one theatrical person in my life. Anyway go on."

"Bright star, would I were steadfast as though art–"

Devi groaned. "That _such_ an obvious choice, Gross. Really?"

Ben ignored her and continued. "Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night....."

"Oh my god Ben. Would you _stop_ with the hand gestures!"

He continued reciting the poem from memory until he got to the part- "Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast," when Devi stuffed a meatball into his mouth to shut him up. He continued, chewing the meatball as he spoke, having trouble enunciating the words, "Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast / awake for ever in a sweet unrest / And so live ever / or else swoon to death."

A piece of meatball flew out of his mouth as he said 'death'.

"Gross!" Devi cried. She was flushing, embarrassed. She hoped no one around them understood English, though they all probably did. 

"Your fault for feeding me."

Devi fake-applauded him. "You know, I never knew Keats could sound so unromantic, but you just made it happen. He would be rolling around in his grave right now."

"He would be rolling around in his grave as that emotionally charged, poignant rendition of his sonnet had awoken him and moved him to tears."

"Ben, that's not how the idiom works."

"I know, I know," Ben said, smiling, finally digging into his pasta. "Just missed seeing you annoyed at me." He looked up, glancing at her. "It's been a while."

On hearing that, a rush of questions and emotions rushed through Devi as she watched him eat. They had to bring those questions up at some point. Specifically, what was going to happen after this trip? She didn't even know where he was going for college. Maybe later tonight, she thought. After bella Chianti.

"You know what would be _truly_ romantic right now?" Devi said on a sudden whim.

"What?"

"You know that scene in Lady and the Tramp where the Tramp takes Lady out on a date in Little Italy and then they share a plate of meatball pasta and they end up eating the same thread of pasta so they get closer and closer and end up kissing?"

Ben lifted an eyebrow in trepidation. "Yes....?"

"I _loved_ that scene so much when I was a kid! I thought it was the most romantic thing ever."

"Huh. No wonder. I remember you having a Lady and the Tramp pencil case in elementary school."

"You _remember?"_ Devi grabbed his arm, excited. "Oh my god, I _loved_ that pencil case haha. Ben!" she said, smirking. "Looks like someone's been having a little crush for a looong time."

Ben rolled his eyes. "Oh please, you're flattering yourself. I just remember because (apart from of course having a powerful memory beyond my tender years) you yelled at anyone who tried to open your pencil case to borrow stuff from it. "

Devi laughed, partly because she remembered none of it but yet it was so like her to do so. "Wait, off-topic. Back to Lady and the Tramp. Since you've had your romantic moment with Keats, let's do mine. Let's recreate that pasta scene!"

Ben glanced left and right. "Uhhh... right here?" It was his turn to be embarrassed and Devi full well knew it.

"Yeah, duh, right here. We can take a picture. You know what they say about a picture being a thousand words."

"You don't believe that. You'd take words any day."

"Not yours."

"Wait till you hear my rendition of Shakespeare's sonnets. They will blow your mind."

"God help me."

"You're Hindu, aren't you supp–"

"Oh shush. Okay let's do it. By the way, after we take it, I kind of wanna send it to Eleanor and Fab, if that's okay with you? I kind of want to update them more about my life now." _Since we're all going separate ways for college_ , she wanted to add, but she didn't want to bring the thread of conversation that way.

"Sure."

It took several failed attempts as they couldn't find a piece of pasta that was long enough. Ben also kept chewing his pasta and dropping the thread, then Devi would yell at him hence dropping _her_ end as well. They took one picture. (Devi: "Oh shit our mouths are smeared in pasta sauce!" Ben: "We look barbaric.") They finally had they one shot where they looked decently civilised. Devi pressed send on her whatsapp group with the girls.

_Eleanor: HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT_

_Fab: You found BEN in the middle of Florence?!?!_

_You guys were srsly meant to be together._

_Eleanor: HOLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY_

_MACARONIIIIIIIIIII_

_Fab: Spaghetti, you mean._

_Eleanor: Babe my reheasla braek over now youhave NOT heard the end of this . BRB_

***

They walked back slowly, along the riverside, hand in hand, stars twinkling above.

"You know," Devi said suddenly, then stopped, hesitating.

"Hmm?"

"It was one of our things."

Ben waited silently for her to go on.

"Watching the stars with my dad. He would always look tell me to look for the Big Dipper then trace my way across to find the North Star, Polaris. The one that stayed constant in the changing night."

What she left unsaid weighed upon the both of them. Constant, unchanging, unlike the time spent with her father, who was no longer with her.

"How are you now, with him?" he asked softly.

Devi left the question unanswered for a while as they walked along the bank of the river. "Sometimes better, sometimes worse." she finally said, looking away from him at the sparkling river, so quietly, that if Ben had not all his senses attuned to everything Devi said and did, he might have missed it completely.

Ben knew he could not possibly comprehend in full what Devi was going through. But knowing Devi and her way of shutting down feelings, he knew that it was an incredibly honest and vulnerable admission from her. He held up her hand and kissed the back of it. Devi turned around, surprised.

"Don't tell me you're going to serenade me again," she warned, snapping back to her usual self.

"Oh no, not now. Good things always come in small portions and we've had enough for tonight. Look forward to it, David."

"Can't wait." Devi said dryly.

They crossed a bridge. "Do you believe in life after death?" Ben asked suddenly.

"Ben, are we seriously waxing philosophical now?"

"Hmm. Maybe. Do you?"

"Honestly? I'm all about the rebirth, dude. I think my mom had it ingrained in me when she threatened me all those times I didn't clean up the house that I would end up as a cockroach in my next life."

Ben laughed. How on earth was it possible that his eyes could still shine like this in the dark night?

"You know, Plato's Cosmology states, after death, every soul will return to its companion star, up there, to shine upon us."

"That's only if they've lived a just life though. An unjust soul needs to be reincarnated again for a second try."

"It's a good run for your money either way, isn't it?"

Devi laughed. "Ben, you're preposterous. And... I know what you're trying to say. But it's alright, you don't need to make me feel better or anything."

"I know," he said, smiling and squeezing her hand. 

They had arrived back at the hotel. As they crossed the doorway into the lobby, Devi found herself smiling in spite of herself.


End file.
